I originally started this blog to showcase my projects (which I’ve since moved to another place, so this is the “first ever” post on this blog). Like many of us though, I struggle with hopping from one project to another without ever finishing them. I’m sitting on a pile of broken promises to myself, and this blog is one of them.
This blog was something that I kept coming back to, but struggled to figure out. Coincidentally, I was helping my girlfriend on a project for her best friend, whose father tragically passed away years ago. I won’t go into further detail out of respect, but the reason I mentioned it is because he kept a blog. My girlfriend found it on the Wayback Machine, and I’ve been helping her transcribe it all into a document for her friend.
Wow, are his posts are a time capsule from the 2000s, in all its middle-aged, curmudgeonly, but lovable glory. He truly had no filter; whatever was on his mind, he said… but with self-reflection and honesty. His posts were an open letter to his family and friends about what was on his mind, his hopes, desires, what he was angry about and what he was proud of. I’m sure you’re saying, “DUH, Austen, that’s what blogs are.” Yeah okay, I know. I just never considered that anyone would actually read my blog, but going through his posts and seeing his family and friends interacting with them struck a chord with me.
Those who know me know I’m a very shy and introverted person, and to be honest I’m sensitive to a fault. Not only sensitive to me, but to others too. This is why I struggle to find the words to say when meeting new people, or seeing people I don’t see often… I lock up. It’s very, very rare when I make a real connection to someone. I promise this is not a self-pity party, I said all this because, in my opinion, I’m much better on paper. I (admittedly) put too much stress on myself, thinking about what to say and how to say it so my message gets across the way I intended. I have the time to formulate my thoughts when it’s written, I guess. I’ve tried journaling before, but it never hit the spot, it feels like I never got what was in my heart out. I’m beginning to think it’s because I’m telling it to the void, when I really want to tell YOU.
So what’s next?
So I’m going to do what he did. This place is no longer a portfolio for my projects, this is my open journal to y’all, starting now (within reason of course, I’m not unhinged, don’t worry).
My girlfriend will probably be the only one that will ever read these, but if you’re not her and you’re reading this, know that it means a lot to me that you took the time to read. I hope you’re having a great day, because you’re incredible. :)